Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
14.06.2025 03:14
He was not at a stage in life where he wanted to commit while I was only interested in a serious relationship with potential for marriage. In fact he didn't know what he wanted.
I wasn't aware of his age and would have refused had i known he was two years younger than me, but I only got to know much later.
Compared to all that, older men have been a breeze. They are more graceful. They are more settled. They know how to treat a lady. They aren't so dependent and childish.
I have dated my fair share of men, and also screened a lot of potential dates. In fact, I would screen a huge number of guys before I zeroed in on whom to meet, then from there, whom to date and then, whom to get into a relationship with.
Now this guy was 28 and maybe, I'd have had a better experience if I were 50 and had dated a man in his mid 30s to 40s. Age does improve many people.
Disclaimer: Not all men, but far too many.
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Despite these odds, I still dated a younger guy once.
Somehow, men seem to lag on emotional and mental scales compared to women.
Once you get the hang of quickly assessing people, you can save your time and energy. I considered every date an investment for a potential partner.
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God forbid if a woman is in her 30s and heavyset. She automatically becomes a “koluttha aunty”(plump aunty).
Women who have been married or have had kids are by default termed as “aunties” even if they're the same age or even much younger than those men.
Men will also utilize older women for their sexual interests, aka, “aunty veriyan”(loosely translated as one who lusts after an aunty). They will often lie to that woman so that she thinks it's something meaningful and continues to give him sex while he's clear that she's just for his lust.
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Even those men who might have a genuine connect with an older woman will be teased by their male friends with this moniker of “aunty veriyan”.
He didn't know what he wanted from life even. Wasn't sure about his career. Wasn't sure what else he'd do if not this. I was not at a stage in life where I could wait around to see.
He cared too much about the opinions of his friends and peers. I mean he couldn't even tell them he was dating me because they'd tease him. Too childish that. I'm a no nonsense person.
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I am married now, so dating is out of the question anyway but what I do have is experience in dating.
I haven't faced this because I'm extremely selective about men, but I've seen a friend doing it, and one friend facing it.
Secondly, many if not most men, especially Indian men, just are not ready for the mental attitude required to date a woman older than themselves. They term older women as aunties.
Having said all this, my own brother is in a successful relationship with an older woman and she's not the first woman he dated who was older than he. So, I think, it also has a lot to do with personality.
As is well established, on an average, younger men earn lesser than older men.
I've had to chase/block/ignore so many guys like this who came lusting after me from my Insta handles and other fora. Without fail, all of them were younger men.
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I have seldom been wrong in my judgement of people, though there are times I've overridden my judgment and come to the same conclusion that I had obtained before I went the hard way.
Firstly let's rule out the obvious point of money
The disgusting part is, these men will call a woman aunty (who is technically your mother's or father's sister) and yet proceed to sexualize and lust after her. Talk about closeted incestuous feelings.
I've also made it a point to reprimand my own friends, who, I'm ashamed to admit, did not see the fault in their behaviour. It has gotten through to some of them, but some still are incorrigible.
But the age difference became very palpable soon:
No.
I have many men in my circles. I have seen almost every single one of them shamelessly call a woman “aunty” even if they're themselves in their 30s to 40s and the lady is at max 5 years older than them or less.
He was a good and decent guy with none of the above toxic traits. He was respectful, caring and responsible.
I had already had more life experience than him by that time. I'd experienced years of a career, marriage, childbirth divorce. He had finished college, stayed home for a year and just started a career and had never had a proper serious relationship in life. He had a hard time following my thought process because life experience changes you.
Is a man over 50 not married no kids a red flag?
There will be en number of men in this forum and others that will claim that women prefer older men because of the higher income.
Women are generally smarter than men of the same age but an older man is at least wiser and calmer than younger men to make up for the gap. That's why, I'd any day take an older man than a younger one.
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He was still living with his parents while I had been independent for years now. It'd have been ok, except that like almost all grown children (especially men) still living with their parents, he was way too dependent. On one instance, he said that his mother made his bed everyday. It was an instant shocker for me.
But I sense that somehow, I might be even more wiser and experienced in my 50s that I'd probably no longer prefer that age group even.
What hasn't been reported as widely is the jealousy men feel towards wives who earn more, men who become resentful and even actively sabotage their lives out of their unresolved feelings.
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Let's put two and two together.
A working woman risks having a resentful and uncooperative partner if she settles for a younger man who earns lesser/is less professionally established than her.
I'm 34 and my husband is slightly more than a decade older than me and he's been a perfect fit for me. I think there is a sweet spot and this was it. Or he's my sweet spot. I don't know. But experience tells me that age has a lot to do with how fine he is, like good wine.
To these men an older woman is not a human being but a sex object, thanks but no thanks to the porn industry that has a whole different category of MILF.
All of my points are based on my own personal observations and what had the most statistical probability. Every group will have exceptions so please do not consider my answer to paint all (younger) men in the same light.
Given this background, I'll tell you why I'll not date younger men.